Friday, January 29, 2010

Awesome things about DUI's and why you should consider driving drunk to get one.

  • You don't have to worry about driving anywhere anymore.
  • Therefore you can drink as much as you want.
  • You've been to jail, you have jail stories.
  • As soon as someone finds out you've been to jail, you can tell these stories and make their day.
  • If no one is polite enough to ask you about your time in jail, you can always interject one into a conversation by saying 'Well when I was in jail....' and just apply it to the subject matter at hand, you can always make it fit.
  • If people aren't paying you the proper attention you demand you can start quietly sobbing or screaming about something and just claim that something triggered a flashback of your time in jail, and then proceed to tell a story about jail, whether or not it has something to do with the 'flashback'.
  • As the disturbance level of the flashback goes up so does the chance that someone will you buy a drink*.
  • Feel free to embellish, the people want fantasy not stories about the fat chick staring at you from the toilet across the aisle.
  • It is possible there is someone there who just recently got a DUI and might be scared of whats to come, frighten them with your worst stories and act as their mentor.
  •  More thoughts on this subject matter to come. 
 
 
 
 
*theory only, not been tested.

15 comments:

Suzy said...

this is all very true. i imagine.

Suzy said...

but. does it get you laid?

Anonymous said...

what the fuck is this???

-blessed holy socks, the non-perishable-zealot said...

Dude, Kick-Ass! I totally, completely agree!! Just make your words more visible on this post and you'll have done your part in saving a portion of humanity! And, please, cut-down on thy swear'n. There's more appropriate ways to say how angry you're than #@!!. Lookit my nine blogs - they're free for the plagiarism, too. God bless.

Anonymous said...

Let me smang it girl, smash it and bang it. They way you work that booty got my heart singing. Let me smang it girl.

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