Andrew and Margaret blog together

So, Andrew and I are typing with one hand each. The boy is failing, and I am winning at life.

Alternative version:

So, Andrew and I are typing with one hand each. The boy is awesome, and I am failing at life.

Review: Mayonnaise

I love mayonnaise. I've heard about the mayonnaise lover's mayonnaise which is Asian, so I want to seek that out, but this stuff is good too. Mmm creamy.

The plan

Should be fun.

Well I'm sitting here watching 'Erin Brockovich' looking like I went out last night but I didn't, but I am tonight, there is a dance party. I'm also planning my route right now. And unless Lisa has HUGE objections, we are gonna stop in Tulsa the first night, I'm saying fuck the curse of Oklahoma bad shit happens if you let it happen. So we WILL drive through Oklahoma. From Tulsa we're gonna go to allll the way to Gallup or some shit near there. So that way Saturday we can stroll into Phoenix in the afternoon. The first two days might be kinda rough but it'll be extremely worth it. Oh which reminds me I need to start burning cd's. The trip would be hell without those, but not really because Lisa and I could just make up songs the entire way and dance our way through the states. But I really would prefer music. Ok well I'm gonna do that now, I've got my work cut out for me. I haven't even started putting music in the proper folders. I don't know if I'm even gonna bother with song order.

Review: Porn

These popped up around the house the other day, thank you Ian. It's porn, framed. The first girl has one leg up on a jukebox and is wearing only heels and thigh highs. Her hair and make up looks really 80's. Her eye make up is kinda fun, but she looks like she lacks a chin. Shes also in front of some sort of houseplant.

The second girl is blondish and I actually like her hair. Apparently she just got or is about to get married because she is dressed in white lacy thigh highs with garters and a white lace garter belt. She's wearing a very ugly necklace and is sitting on a white armchair. Her nipples seem kinda big. She's on the tv so it feels like her vagina is always looking at me while I watch tv.

Review: Ian and Isabelle/Polaroid/Photobooths

Ian and Isabelle are fun people, they can both get a little moody sometimes but their bark is worse than their bite. They are extremely, some might say, overly, affectionate towards each other. But I will miss them.

Polaroid cameras are very fun and they're no longer making the film for it, that makes me sad. Oh well.

Photobooths are awesome, I like to use them whenever I see one and have the money required. I love photobooths in bars, because the process of cramping into the little booth is much more fun when drunk.

Review: Edy's/Dreyer's Cheesecake Diva American Idol Slow Churned

I felt like an idiot buying this thanks to the American Idol theme. Thanks. However it was really delicious. The ice cream was smooth and creamy, and the taste of cheesecake was one of the better ones to come out of a store bought ice cream. Lovely little chunks of brownies and fudge swirls make me smile. I would buy this again despite the stupid theme and coloring, I hate that. In case you can't tell, that's a microphone masquerading as an ice cream cone. Wannabe.

Review: Parliament Cigarettes

Well I like these. I enjoy them every day pretty much. They have a recessed filter which I've come to like, now other cigarette filters feel squishy to me by the end of a cigarette.

Review: Bleu Cheese

This one is from a couple nights ago, Ian and Isabelle went out to dinner and brought home lots of food. Among the things I tasted was a bleu cheese, which I normally would turn down but I figured why not? Jon and I tasted it at the same time and both had the same reaction. We liked it...sort of. The taste was the most intense thing I've ever had in my mouth. We were so dumbfounded by the power of this cheese's power we felt like we were high on the cheese. The taste lingered for about an hour and a half. While I'm not gonna jump out my window to go try more bleu cheese, I wouldn't turn it down.

Review: Raptor Bacon

Don't I wish. It was actually Turkey bacon, but when you think of raptors keep birds in mind, look at the pubic bone, shaped just like a bird, and the word raptor even means 'bird of prey'. Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. Now, back to the raptor bacon. I had to giggle because it looks like a dog chew toy or Beggin' Strips, because of the way they place colors in certain area to make it look like real bacon. I couldn't tell when it was supposed to be done, I waited till it sort of resembled real bacon, or at least what bacon bits would look like all put together. I put it on a bagel with egg and cheese so I can't tell you exactly how good it is, but it was pretty decent, it's obviously not as good as pig bacon, but because it's so cheap I will continue using it on sandwiches and the like, but probably would not eat by itself.

Review: Onion and Chive Dream Cheese

I'm in love with this. For some reason I've been obsessed lately with onion bagels with onion and chive cream cheese. Even though sometimes it'll betray me by having chive stuck in my teeth, I don't care. It just makes it look like from far away I'm missing part of a tooth which is alright with me.

Review: Diet Cherry Chocolate Covered Ass

Well I guess you could say I'm disappointed. I had high hopes for this one, thinking maybe this will replace my regular soda, I mean it's clearly intended to taste like some insane sugar rush. While it does have a cherry chocolate taste IMPLIED, it tastes like diet still. That doesn't mean I won't be drinking it, because it does satisfy a base cola need. Whatever, maybe I'll love it by the time I'm done.

Review day!

I'll be posting reviews, if I don't finish them all today then 'Review Day' shall be extended into tomorrow. Ahem.

50% non-French music.

I'm so excited to see Lisa in less than one week now! Wooooooo. And then we be driving. I'm so excited to see everyone again. Um, oh I burned myself on the toaster today. Twas my knuckled, it turned bright yellow immediately. So ummmm god you guys I have nothing interesting to say lately, but if you could hear the voice that I'm like saying all of this in, you would totally be laughing! (Suzy knows what voice this is.) Ugh Josh, Suzy, and I are watching 'Sex and the City' and we're talking about how disgusted we are with ourselves for knowing that we're gonna go see the fucking movie. OH god, am I really gonna do this to myself? I just screamed at the tv calling Carrie a 'hateful whore', why do I like this show? Wah wah wahhhhhh Carrie, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!!! Ugh. Uh oh the gruesome twosome is home, aka, Isasmell and Ian. Oh. Isabelle is 27. The house is too full of people, at least it's very clean. And um I dunno, I need to start packing and I want to cry because I just don't see how it's all gonna fit. I probably will cry. Because I'm that way. Anyhoo. Bye.

Substance?

I'll give you fucking substance!


Later.

This Volcano Is Deep

I'm watching 'Volcano', and two really cheesy awful moments stuck out. Tommy Lee Jones' daughter is playing rock, paper, scissor with these kids and this dumb kid says I'm lava! What beats lava?' and Gaby Hoffman, looks down grimly, and says, 'My dad. I hope...'

Wow what a moment. Next up, it's the end of the movie and everyone is covered in ash from the volcano climaxing and whatnot, and the same boy who foolishly proclaimed himself lava, so poetically points out to an adult who was obviously too jaded to notice that 'all the people...they look the same, we're all the same.' And it shows everyone looking like they're in blackface. I think the message is no matter what color your skin is, we're all a little bit racist. Ooh...'Troy' is on.

You wanna put what in my butt?

Oooooooooooooookay!

So Q4 was fun last night, Sugarfoot and Ian and the Astrophysicists were really enjoyable. And when I got home it was so wonderful to finally sleep. And then I woke up and went to Liz's dress fitting. She's so purdy. Now I'm back, and I've nothing else to say. What a pointless post.

Never Take The King's Last Pepsi

So today was really fun, and tiring. I didn't get any sleep last night. But I did it. Almost 12 hours being responsible, though I did take a little 20 minute nap. Now I'm home mustering the strength to go to my last Quennect4. Listening to just splendid music and generally being in a good, if a bit stressed out, mood. Kids really aren't into eating meals. And what the hell is on tv? Ugh, M*A*S*H. Ah, good, Sex and the City. So because I was severely lacking any sort of caffeine, I had the audacity to mayyybe drink the last Pepsi in the Passero residence. Tony told me to try batting my eyelashes some more when I tell him that 'I didn't know it was the last one' and that you 'never take the King's last Pepsi.' Then he tried to stir up a pot of shit talking about anyone that Suzy and I know mutually. And while I was heading out the door he trained Sophia to say 'Wash your butt Margaret!', good advice Soph, I just might take it. ugh
I just spilled apple juice on myself.

Moving on!

I watched so many cartoons today. Beauty and The Beast and Cinderella were standouts because Gaston is SO obnoxious and some of the faces the Beast makes are inspired. Then I colored in a coloring book and make the drawing puke glitter glue. Pretty sweet. Oh here's a very cute video.

Fire in my soul and vengeance on my mind.

I'm not gonna say WHO, but someone, SOME. ONE. in this family no less! Started a blog and failed to inform me! I had to learn of this from my subordinate. Worry not though, I shall recover from the ice cold stab of betrayal, but I fear it will leave a significant scar, in the shape of mule. Wait, Power Rangers are still popular? Those glasses do look pretty cool though. I wish I could provide a link but I'm beginning to think that commercial was a joke, made by children from the 90's who are trying to jumpstart a Power Rangers resurgence. Haha kids commercials are the worst these days. A pop tart commercial showing the pop tarts hanging out and TALKING to each other while they're being toasted, Sam Waterston needs to get on that shit and teach them some law and order. Oooh Georgia just found the shoes I'm gonna wear to the wedding. Alright well I've gotta go and lift little humans upside down and spin.

Proper Fuckin' Geezer

I am wearing a very short, very blue dress. I was gonna wear the black jean miniskirt but then Isabelle shoved this in my face and demanded, 'Wear this!'. I complied. I've got clothes and make up and 'No Reservations' on and now I just need to fuck with my hair a bit before we head to Rehab. I just really hope this dress doesn't ride up if I start dancing tonight, it wouldn't be the biggest tragedy as I'm wearing black tights, but nonetheless I don't want the WHOLE WORLD (the people in the bar) to see my black ass. Guuhhhh I need to learn how to do my hair, reeally annoying that I can't. Oh so last night we went to this dumb place called 'The Orphanage', it's like a co-op living community in a church that puts on art shows and the like. Their living room has a stage and lots of trees with Christmas lights wrapped around them, overall a very cozy feel but with really annoying people in it. They don't allow you to drink beer unless it's in a cup which got old very quickly and they let this really shitty beat poet set to music play for a full hour. So I came home and learned about Tauntauns, thank you Andrew. And uhhh yeah somehow the entire household managed to sleep till around 4pm. I lower my head in shame. Anyhoo here's some pictures from last night. Oh and I a dream Liz was pregnant and gave birth to a girl, we were all very, very excited. Then someone asked me about how to pay taxes and ran away down a slide.

Hey Judas

Well, I was awoken about 3 hours after I fell asleep and asked if I wanted to join Liz and Kit at Toast, and seriously who is gonna turn that down? So I dragged my tired ass over there, had what will be my last meal there for quite some time, the most delicious Eggs Benedict, next to Dad's of course. Liz got the same and Kit got the French Toast Orgy, couldn't finish the rest of it so Liz and I attacked it, mouth style. I'm just gonna have to learn how to make French toast like that because my cod it is good. After that we went to BCBG and Liz got a dress! Yay! I then walked back home, read some more and couldn't help but fall asleep. I woke up again around 6:30, and now I'm trying to do dishes, but the fucking sink is motherfucking clogged and so it's pretty much impossible because SOME PEOPLE do not put food in the trash can where it belongs and so there is wet food floating around and I just can't navigate around that well enough to get any significant amount done, I'm gonna be doing little bursts of dishes every hour and ughhhhhhh. Anyways aside from that terrifying ongoing ordeal I just watched 'Lost' and now I'm switching back and forth between 'Die Hard' and 'Kill Bill', what a lovely selection the Saturday night line up for people who don't feel like interacting with others has provided for me. Yippie-kay-yay, motherfuckers.