History shmistory.

So sorry I haven't been posting a whole lot lately, in fact, sorry I haven't been around at all really lately. Just been feeling a depression slowly creeping in and I'm just having a hard time trying to get out of it. So I sit and watch the History Channel which brings me some satisfaction. While I'm very happy and excited about the new place, the conservatory, the hanging out with friends, I just feel like there's this dark shadow looming over me waiting to take over, and I'm not sure what it is. I don't know if it's the fact that I feel no one wants to hire me for a job and I NEED to be employed very soon, if it's just being nervous and scared about conservatory, if it's superficial and I'm just not liking how I look lately even though I don't think much has changed, or any number of other things. But I feel almost like I'm slowly drowning and I kind of want to give in. I feel as though I'm nothing but a big disappointment to most in my life and that all I do is take anything I'm given and fuck it up. I haven't felt this lost in a long time and as always with this situation it feels like I'll never find my way back.